Today is All that Matters: Two Gifts to Give the Men in Your Life for Father’s Day
If I had a Magic Wand and I could create the perfect Gifts for You to give to all the males in your life this Father’s Day it would be the Gifts of Awareness and Listening. Combined, they create the experience of Connection & Understanding, the necessary foundation for Peace & Harmony in our Homes, our Communities, and for our Humanity.
Gift # 1: Awareness
As a Life Coach and Educator, I have had the honor to sit with many men and women, individually and together, to support their moving from confusion to Clarity, and from dissonance to Harmony.
One of the habits we can begin to undo and Gift the men in our lives is the Awareness in our Presence with them that conveys we recognize them as equally multifaceted as we women are, and that they equally have the depth and range of fears and feelings that women do.
It might almost sound both absurd and obvious when you read this, however, because we have experienced much of our lifetime subject to the same cultural patterns, societal programming as men, we too have bought into some limiting perspectives and beliefs, unknowingly, and we act from, unconsciously.
To discover if this is true for you, you can flush it out with the question; ‘Do I ever feel scared, nervous, or uncomfortable if/when my male significant other (or Brother, Son, or Father) expresses confusion, or that they feel defeated, uncertain, or afraid?”
Listen in Stillness for your most truthful response. If you do hear a ‘Yes, truthfully that does freak me out a bit’ then it suggests you simply have a view or false belief that resulted from all the stories you were raised to believe about men that might (thankfully) be ready for questioning, Now.
Many women have been raised and conditioned at a very deep level to view and relate to men – especially their husbands and boyfriends- as strong, clear, solid, and powerful. Many women say they want a man to share and express his feelings, vulnerably, yet for those women who are unaware of deeper beliefs, this can occur as scary when a male partner does make himself vulnerable, and it’s met with fear and agitation by their wives/girlfriends.
Because men often receive a mixed signal with this, they typically shut down expression because they get ‘bit’ when they express a side of themselves that isn’t ‘strong and solid’. As we women free ourselves of our own hidden beliefs about men, we can truly support men reconnecting with the range and depth of their own feelings, and they can do so safely, and be met with the open mind and arms of Understanding & Compassion.
Gift # 2: Listen
Listen more, advise less. There may be a time when your advice is directly asked of You by a male in your life, yet pay close attention to yourself between now and Father’s Day- take inventory of how often you quickly advise the men in your life before being asked for your opinion or what he ‘should’ do.
A great Gift you can give your partner (and all the men in your life to honor Father’s Day) is the Gift of Listening more, and suspending your opinions until asked. Ask more about what he felt during whatever story/event/situation he is telling you about. Ask what it was like for him when his boss said ‘I need to cut your hours back’. Ask what it felt like when his daughter told him ‘I don’t want any communication with you now’. Ask what it felt like when his teacher said ‘I told you you can figure the math problem out yourself!’
Intentional & Active Listening allows for the speakers Inherent Wisdom to arise all on its own. This allowance, when uninterrupted by the Listener (You), will be far more potent than most anything you would have suggested or advised. Our own Wisdom from within is laden with specific and clear directions that are particular and best suited to bring one into balance. Often female partners are conditioned to advise and give directions, which over time can edge into the experience of their male partners as critical and judgemental. Them most common complaint I hear from men is that they believe they ‘can’t ever do it right or good enough’ for their partners. Constant and repetitive advice giving and ‘suggestions for improvement’ wears away at men’s willingness to open up, as they fear more criticism or ‘fixing’.
I invite you to test both Awareness & Listening with all the men in your life, especially your partners, and experience for yourself the increase in Connection & Harmony that awaits the Magnificence of your Potential, together.
Written by Daniela Hess, YogaFarm Director, Counselor, and Radiance Course Educator. For more information about self care practices, visit www.YogaFarm.us.